"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tightly closed in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to BLOOM…This is the Element of Freedom"

-Alicia Keys

22 December 2009

Doing What I Have Never Done Before...

As you may recall, I started a new direction for this blog a few weeks ago (original post here). The goal was to explore the interesting, frustrating but never boring world of being ADHD. I touched on it one or two more times after the inital post, but I haven't continue to write like I had originally wanted to. I think that I started to get a little nervous about opening up & talking about things that I struggle with. What if {fill in the blank} reads this? What if someone reads it & thinks differently of me? Or what if.....? The list kept growing and I started to doubt what the point of writing it all down was in the first place.

Then I remembered that I want to improve my life and figure out what I am made of. Part of that is to do things that I have never done before. I feel like I am always trying to get better at the things that I am not that great at and I never feel like I really get anywhere, no matter how hard I try. My friends & family will always say, "yea, but look how far you have come..." Yes, I have come far, thanks entirely to becoming reacquainted with my Man, Jesus & becoming a mother. Both of these relationships have brought me more joy, love & happiness than I could have ever imagined. I was a little, ummm, rowdy before I had Reese, so when I became a momma, I had to figure out what kind of mother I needed to be to be a good one to Reese. I stayed home all the time and I loved it (I used to be the person who was never home, always out). I think that I used that time to try and "get organized" because I would be a better person if I was organized. I wouldn't be late for work if I was more organized...you get the idea. I have become much more organized in the last couple of years, but at what expense? Staying home all weekend, trying to get laundry done, bathrooms cleaned, food made for the week, finances in order, dust, change the beds because if my house could just all be cleaned and organized and put away, like magic, I would finally be organized. If I was organized, then I would use my day planner religiously and never be late for work again. Right? Wrong. I have to come to some sort of agreement with the ADHD. I know that I have to find my own kind of organization and be confident in it because it works for me. I am always apologizing for and making fun of, my own problems with organization, when I am actually good at organizing things. {You should see my linen closet!} I do feel that "the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over & over and expecting different results" is happening before my very eyes. This happens to me a lot. I look back & I see the same mistakes made then are some of the very same ones that I continue to make today. So, what to do? Let's go on an adventure and do what we have not done before, in order to go where we have never gone before...who said that? I don't know, but it is the truth.

Who is in?

I am.

I am going to have to think about how to articulate what my goals are for this year. I make them every year and never write them down and keep focused on them. This year was a little different. I planned a wedding {loved it}, got married {love it}, my baby started kindergarten and we bought a house. Those things all required planning and organization. But it is time to do some things a bit differently this year when it comes to making changes. I am going to keep track of my goals on my blog and see what happens.

sweet. it's on....

{This is actually a t shirt...funny}

1 comment:

  1. Writing and then publishing personal stuff on the interwebs is a vulnerable place to be.

    I've lost friendships, destroyed relationships, and said things I had to delete later.


    I've also helped more than a handful of other women understand themselves better. One woman even said I saved her life. So, I guess... if you can present yourself purely while still protecting the privacy of others... then putting yourself out there can be a wonderful thing. :)


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