"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tightly closed in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to BLOOM…This is the Element of Freedom"

-Alicia Keys

24 November 2009

I am now a watch-wearer

It didn't happen on my lunch break yesterday, as I had to take my spunky 5 year old to the dentist, but I made sure that it happened on our way home. I now have a watch. that works. on my wrist.

Anyway, on our way home, I took Reese to Panera for dinner and then we went to the mall to get the battery in my watch replaced. The lady at Dillard's gave me a 10% coupon for a jewelry & watch repair shop and $28.81 later, I am now wearing my old school stainless steel Fossil watch. I will admit that when I first put it on, it felt very odd...sort of like a wild dog who now has a collar around its neck. I wear it on my right wrist, as I don't like the wedding band/watch combo on my left hand. I am actually digging wearing it!

So, this may seem like a natural thing to do for all of you linear thinkers (aka non-ADHD people), but it is a huge step for someone like me. Now that I am a watch-wearer, I am kind of wondering why I didn't do this sooner. Such is life for us on this side of the fence.

Part of the reason that I made sure that I did something about this "knowing-what-time-it-is-instantly-without-having-to-look-for-it-on-my-cell-phone-which-is-somewhere-in-my-purse" situation is what happened to me on Sunday afternoon when shopping at Target and stopping at the fabric store on our way home. Reese and I had eaten a late breakfast, then we went to Target for a couple of things{I totally heart Target}. We wandered around the toy department and I patiently waited while Reese looked at every single girly toy there (she avoided the "boy aisle with all of the scary stuff") and I enjoyed watching her as she looked at the toys (I took notes too). Anyway, on our way out, I was really proud of myself for a successful shopping trip. I bought what we needed and picked up a prescription and did it all cheerfully, without getting stressed out. Shopping, especially with a young child can be absolutely torturous for someone with ADHD. Too many decisions to make, too many people & distractions, etc. So, after we left Target, we stopped by the fabric store down the street from our house. I planned on just stopping in a getting some black ribbon to finish the lamp that I refurbished this weekend (I will post photos soon!), but ended up looking at fabric to replace our outdated curtains that came with the house. I did not keep track of the time, so I didn't realize that it was waaay past lunch time and both of us were starving. When it came time to leave, Reese wanted to put her jacket in her booster seat so that it was in there "just right." I waited for a couple of minutes for her to finish and then I lost my patience. I asked her to get in her seat, which then turned into the power struggle of the century and ended with Reese in tears and me feeling like the world's shittiest momma. I am sure the lady in the car parked next to us enjoyed the show. In hindsight, I realize that I should have done a few things differently, namely the following:
  • Realized that it was indeed past lunch time and it was time to go. Now. You think that I would be more aware of this after 5.5 years of parenting. Feeding kids is important.
  • Been more focused in the fabric store...hard place to maintain focus, but I should have bought the ribbon and gotten the hell out of there.
  • Let Reese put her coat in her booster seat the way that she wanted it. In the end, what would it have mattered to wait for 1 or 2 (excruciating) minutes?

We have had some issues with doing what we are being asked to do, when Momma asks. So, after silence and sniffling during the 3 minute drive home, we talked about what had happened. It was then that I realized that I needed to be aware of the time so that I could keep us both on task and I knew that I had made a mistake by not wearing a watch.

Another lesson learned. unfortunately, the hard way.

23 November 2009

Am I ever going to learn?

**Sorry for the long post. I guess I have some things to talk about!**

I am infamous for my ability to be late. I am late for just about everything, work, school, parties, you name it. I was actually named "Most Likely To Be Late For Their Own Wedding" in high school. How sad! (On my wedding day, we were all running a bit behind schedule and everything turned out fine, so this prediction wasn't quite true). I used to walk (and sometimes run) to the bus stop with my best friend, Andrea (who is my polar opposite & always punctual) in order to make it on time. One time we missed it and had to get a ride to school. I also used to get a ride to school from a guy that I went to High School with and I always made us late. The lady in the front office always liked me and she would excuse my tardy with a lovingly stern, "now, this is the last time. Be here on time tomorrow!" But the next day, I would repeat the rhythm of the day before and rush around, feeding the dog, grabbing my school stuff and then we would be late. 10+ years later, we laugh about it but it is still a source of intense stress for me.

Being chronically late is something that has jeopardized my employment, friendships, my health and well-being. It has clouded the way that I see my self and the way that others see me. I think that the single most misunderstood trait of The Chronically Late Person is that they don't care that they are late. If people knew how upset it makes me to be late and the stress that it has caused me in my life, they would begin to understand that it isn't a matter of not caring, but a mixture (for lack of a better term) of several different components. Some of these are just habits so ingrained in the person that they seem to have no definitive beginning, they have always just been there. My Dad is always late, and so are 2 of his sisters (his brother and another sister are exceedingly punctual). Their Dad was in the Air Force and was never, ever late for anything. It almost seems like it is a disease or hereditary, while also a learned habit. I am afraid that Reese is going to learn or be late and more than anything, I want to teach her not to be late. I have literally told her, "This isn't what you are supposed to do. It isn't good to be late. Be like Daddy, he is never late!" My sweet husband...I was late for our first date and he still married me...

I read a book called Never Be Late Again: 7 Cures for the Punctually Challenged by Diana DeLonzor. She has several categories that most Punctually Challenged people fall in to, which cause them to be late. I am definitely the one who wants to do it all before I leave the house. I want to sleep in, I want to take a longer shower, I want to put in a load of laundry and drink my coffee and eat my breakfast and get ready and....you get the idea. Now, throw in getting a kid ready for school...kind of makes me want to kick my own ass. This is why I have started to take my blogging more seriously. It is a good way to sort some things out. This is an area in my life that needs to change and it is closely linked to many other areas. I have learned (the hard way) that being punctual takes planning (again, not where my strengths lie, but I am trying!) and working backwards (I have to leave at this time, so I need to start getting ready at this time, etc) and also having the discipline to get things ready the night before, to stop what I am doing and start getting ready to leave and leaving 10 minutes before I actually have to leave in order to allow for extra time for traffic or whatever.

I also need to wear a wear a watch. I own several and wear none. Surprised? Probably not. I need to get a battery for one that has been in my glove compartment for a very long time. This is a watch that I was wearing on 09/11/01 and it stopped at 12:05 am. The time that it actually stopped was 11:55 pm (9/10), but I had it set 10 minutes fast...so I wouldn't be late. I haven't worn the watch since. But I know that it is time to wear one. I am going to buy a watch battery today on my lunch break. Seriously I will!

{I need one of these

{So I can wear one of these}
{this isn't my watch, but it's cute! But I will not buy a new watch in the hope that it will magically help me be on time. I will wear the one that I have and I know that becoming a punctual person is a journey that I am embarking on}

Andrea, I am sorry for all of the times that you had to wait for me to finish getting ready and for making you run with my mis-matched, birkenstock-wearing hippy ass to the bus stop. Thanks for being such a good friend then & now. Love you.

20 November 2009

Cleaning with the Greens: Product Review Friday

I have been a fan of natural cleaners for a really long time...our neighbor back in the 1980's (whose name coincidentally was Mrs. Grass...funny for various reasons) sold Amway and I think that she got my parents to sell it briefly. Anyway, my Grandmother used to sell Shaklee as well and they also have great natural cleaning products. So, I thought that I would take one of my (many) drafted posts and finally finish writing it and publish it. {See, I am making my blog my priority! I really do want it to be the place where I can figure some stuff out about who I am and to have a place to keep my thoughts & ideas & experiences...}

So, here is a list of my favorite green cleaning products...I have used most of these for years and love them all. Plus, when you buy them, you are giving your dolla billz to companies who are doing the right thing by creating quality products that are safe to use. I don't want to use something to clean my house that has the ominous "this product is recognized to cause cancer by the State of California" warning label. I'll take my cleaning products all natural thankyouverymuch. On a completely unrelated note, is it weird that every time I hear the word 'California' I hear it pronounced the way that Arnold Schwarzenegger pronounces it? Cahli-for-neeah...

{photo from here}


No. 1:

{image is from here}

Oh, Bon Ami! This is a wonderful cleaning product that is so safe to use that you can even use it on your stainless steel pots & pans. It has no fragrance, emits zero fumes and you can buy it for around $1.49. I use it to clean everything.

No. 2:

Dr. Bonner's Magic All-One Soap Company. They just celebrated their 60th anniversary and have converted their skin care lines to 100% organic and Fair Trade certified. The Sal Suds Liquid Cleaner is what I use to clean. It is ultra-concentrated and it lasts f-o-r-e-v-e-r. I use it to clean our lovely linoleum (which will soon be gone!), the cat box, etc. Anywhere that needs a soapy cleaning! It rinses clean and smells like real pine, not the crappy fakey pine smell.

No. 3:

{image is from here}

Clean Well was started by a family who have a son, Conor, who was born with a rare condition that leaves only 10% of his immune functioning. In order to keep their son healthy, they had to keep everything clean with antibacterial cleaners, with hand sanitizers being especially important. However, they were alarmed to learn about the negative effects of Triclosan, a toxic ingredient found in virtually all antibacterial soaps, cleaners and hand sanitizers. So, Sam (Conor's Dad) started to research some natural alternatives and CleanWell was born. They have managed to create a natural antibacterial product line that kills 99.9% of harmful germs, without toxic ingredients. I use the hand spray and I keep foaming hand soap at my kitchen sink. The products smell great and I like that the hand sanitizer sprays, unlike the gel that slides all over the place. While you check out their site, read about the dangers of Triclosan here. Pretty Creepy!

No. 4:

Another one is Mrs. Meyers Clean Day Aromatheraputic Household Cleaners. The company was started by a woman who named the company after her mother, who had 9 children. Everything smells really good and works!I love the Dish Soap and the Room Spray (Reese likes to use this as "Monster Spray" to keep the monsters at bay...and I think that she just likes to spray stuff). You can purchase Mrs. Meyers at Whole Foods & Target.

No. 5:

{Image from here}

As a nod to the hippie that I used to dress like, but still am on the inside, I want to try these! Maggie's Soap Nuts. I get tired of having to buy detergent and as a bonus, you can compost these! I want to compost as well, but that is down on the list of Things We Need To Do For The House...alas, it will probably wait until next summer.

So, there you have it. Our First Friday Product Review post. Let's hope I can stick to a schedule for The Blog...something that eludes me in all other facets of life...a schedule. That is a topic for a long post.

Have a great weekend!

16 November 2009

A new direction for this blog...

I have decided to change a few things about this blog. I think that I would write more if I had a better idea of what I wanted it to be about...not just the random things that I usually write about. I have been writing this post in my head for a few weeks now and I think that it is time to write in down here...I want to start writing about what it means to be a 30 year old woman, wife, mother, friend, designer who also happens to be ADHD. I think that so many people think that they know what ADHD is and they file that idea of it away without giving much thought to what it really is to the person that has it or is it. It is so much more than a lack of organization or ability to organize things like paper or the inability to stay focused on one thing at a time. It is something that without a love of self will slowly eat away at the person who suffers from ADHD. I think that women in particular have very difficult time, especially if they are undiagnosed or not being treated. It is important to understand that it is an affliction that affects how you feel about who you are.

So, beginning now...I almost said "Tomorrow" but anyone who knows anything about ADHD knows that tomorrow could mean tomorrow or two months from now, so let's get started:

Here is the Definition of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, according to Wikipedia: (it used to be called Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), but that term is now "expired" and is now referred to as ADHD)

"Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or AD/HD) is a neurobehavioral[1] developmental disorder.[2] ADHD is primarily characterized by "the co-existence of attentional problems and hyperactivity, with each behavior occurring infrequently alone."[3] While symptoms may appear to be innocent and merely annoying nuisances to observers, "if left untreated, the persistent and pervasive effects of ADHD symptoms can insidiously and severely interfere with one's ability to get the most out of education, fulfill one's potential in the workplace, establish and maintain interpersonal relationships, and maintain a generally positive sense of self."[4]:p.2"

Here is a list of the symptoms commonly found in adults with the Inattentive Type of ADHD:

Indecision, difficulty recalling and organizing details required for a task
Poor time management, losing track of time
Avoiding tasks or jobs that require sustained attention
Difficulty initiating tasks
Difficulty completing and following through on tasks
Difficulty multi-tasking*
Difficulty shifting attention from one task to another

*I have to comment here. I can multi-task with the best of them...I am a mother, mind you. However, the difficulty lies in completing the many tasks that you are doing at once.

The definition above is the mild version of some of the ones that I have read over the years. If you didn't already feel shitty about yourself, read about having ADHD and the issues that it can create in your life...then you will really feel like the future is sort of bleak.

So, I am beginning to write about something that has been apart of my life forever, but not known about until I was 18, when I was diagnosed and left a doctor's office with a prescription for ritalin in hand, but no tools to help me on the rocky journey that lay ahead of me. I hope that I can educate just one person about what it really means to be ADHD.< br<>>

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