Light as a Feather and as Free as a Bird....

{image from here}

I have been wanting to wrap up this post for a while now...in fact, I have been wanting to write this post for a very, very long time.  You see, I had a major life change back on July 15th.  I was released from my job of 3 1/2 years (I will be leaving out the details-out of respect and let's face it, this is the Internet, you never know who reads what!)  As I mentioned (many, many) times before, I was not happy at my job, it was the classic Round Peg, Square Hole phenomenon... but I liked the people that I worked with, making it difficult to leave.  Looking back at it now, I realize that what made it difficult to leave was that I was burned out, unsure what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go...I was tired of getting up, getting everyone off to work or school, rushing to work, struggling all day at a job that I pretty much sucked at, rushing to daycare, picking up my child, going home, making dinner, then to bath time, book and bedtime for Reese, a few hours of time with my husband or by myself, then to going to bed, only to start the whole process all over again the next day.  Sound familiar to anyone out there?  Most of you know what I am talking about, I am not trying to sound like I was the only one that felt this way because I know that I am not alone here.  I think what I needed was chance to catch my breath and that is what I got on the beautiful afternoon of July 15th.   As I walked through the lobby for the last time with my box of belongings, smiling the biggest smile ever, I felt  Light as a Feather and as Free as a Bird.... I don't think I will ever forget the feeling that I had that day...it is forever seared in my memory as a moment in which my life changed instantly and for the better...I could feel the adventure that was starting in my life as I walked out of the office building where I had spent approximately 6,000 hours of my life.  I got in my car and drove away, never feeling a moment of sadness or regret, only being aware of my new freedom.  The only way that I can begin to describe how I felt is this...

Take it away, Tom...

{Tom Cruise as Jerry McGuire via YouTube.com}

Tom Petty probably knew that he had written a good song with Free Fallin' but I wonder if he ever knew what a fucking great song it really is...

Anyway, I went out for wine with a friend that night and we toasted to a new beginning...there really is nothing like a good girl friend, good wine and good conversation. I left Kate's Wine Bar that night feeling more hope and excitement about the future than I had in a long time.

I woke up the next morning and realized that I was going to be able to spend the entire day with my daughter during her summer vacation...just the day before, I had dropped her off with my friend and her 5 year old daughter to go on an adventure to the zoo together.  I had felt sad that I wasn't able to go with them that day.  We ate breakfast and made plans for the day.  Reese really wanted to go to the pool up the street that has a huge water slide. So, we packed a lunch and walked to the pool.  I am not a huge fan of the swimsuit, especially after sitting on my ass at a desk for 3.5 years, but that day there was nothing that was going to hold me back.  We slathered on the sunscreen, ate our little lunch and got in the pool.  Reese was hesitant about going down the slide- at first.  Once we started climbing up the stairs to get to the top, she started to get excited.  While we waited at the top for the other people to go, I realized that I could see for miles around being up on top of the slide...in fact, I could even see my old office building, way out in the distance.  It was at that exact moment that I realized that I never had to go back there ever (ever) again...

Reese and I went down that slide at least 30 times. I loved every.single.minute of it!

List o' things to blog about

Weeellll....it is Sunday night, child and husband are sleeping and I am watching the movie 27 Dresses for the first time...I know, I know, I am way behind in my movie watching.  I love watching girlie movies alone, because it is just more fun that way.  It is just what I needed...a movie, my laptop and a list of things in my head that I need to write down:

• Write about the show that I recently won tickets to
• Part II of the A Little Inspiration post: this post really needs to be wrapped up
• My Wedding:  This is something that I need/want/can't wait to write about
• The Formula: 40-30-30: an eating plan that I have been following and love with a capital L
• My long list of Before & Afters:  I have a ton that I have never posted
• Some of the pictures that I have taken over the last couple of years
• Projects & Dream Projects
• Some Product Reviews

There.  Now I feel better :)

Almost 4 months later....

{Seattle- My favorite city}

(no reason for this photo, except that I was there two weeks ago)

So....I haven't written a single thing on my beloved blog since my last post on June 30th.  Many things have happened since then, one of which has allowed me to have more time to post, but also set me free from being in front of the computer all day long.  I am back and I am happy to be blogging again.  I have missed posting, but I really miss reading the blogs of my good friends and just being part of the blogosphere. I will be posting and reading and catching up and finding new inspiration and I can't wait!

Waking Up & Being Grateful

{Let me preface this post with this tidbit of important information: as you all know, I used to have a problem with being on time to work. I say USED TO because I have not been late for work in almost 2 months. Really. TWO MONTHS! Thank you, Jesus. Take That ADD!}

image from here

{Life in a Glass Bubble. I Need Out!}

I am tired. I am tired of having/being/suffering from ADHD. I am tired of having no one around that even remotely understands what it feels like. I am tired of feeling like I am swimming in circles while slowly drowning at the same time. I am tired of trying to tell someone about it & having them not understand or worse, having them laugh. They don't usually laugh at me, but they laugh because they don't understand. I guess that I could explain it like this:

I feel like I am in a glass bubble, looking out and seeing the things that I am good at and the life that I want to some day live {designing, living a creative successful life, staying home with my kid, etc.} and it is so close that I can feel it, but I can't seem to get there. I try and I try and I have been trying for years (basically since Reese was born) to get more organized and timely and orderly and better with paper and correspondence and paying my bills and trying hard not to fail like I thought that I had been for years. I was trying to be a better person by not being who I am because I felt that I had failed myself and others when I was myself. I think that I have tried so hard for so long to be someone that I am not, instead of trying to be the best Elizabeth that I can be. I need to be okay and happy with who I am and I am having a difficult time doing that. I think a lot of it has to do with working at a job that goes against everything that comes naturally to me, I spend all day in front of a computer, or filing or other non-creative {mind-numbing & torturous} activities. I come home to the usual craziness of kid pick-up, dinner, clean-up, bath, book, bed, more clean-up, laundry, lunch-making, reading & then sleeping and then getting up the next day and doing it all over again. Waiting for the weekend, so that I can finally catch my breath. Thinking that "wouldn't this all be easier/better/more joyful if I didn't have to work full-time? or had more time by myself?" All of these thoughts and feelings and dreams and loss and fumbling around, all while trying to love my little family and create a life for us that is genuinely happy {and by happy I mean with all of life's bumps and bruises and loveliness and craziness/beautifulness}...

All of these thoughts have lead me down the path of Feeling-Sorry-For-Myself: which inevitably snowballs into What-The-Fuck-am-I-Doing? I-Suck! I-am-So-Bad-At-Laundry-Housework-Being-A-Momma-Being-A-Wife-Being-A-Friend-I-Have-Gained-30-Pounds-I-Hate-My-Clothes-&-My-Hair-Style-Sucks-and-I-Haven't-Blogged-In-A-Month-and-Basically-I-Feel-Like-Shit Attitude Problem. {I am not a shitty momma by the way. or wifey. and I do hate my clothes, but I did just get a haircut and I love it}.

Then, I read this beautiful Birth Story from the wonderful blog Enjoying The Small Things. And I realized something that I have known all along, but can't seem to fully grasp. Life isn't about being perfect. Or having an vision of perfect. It is about being loved and giving love and letting yourself be just that. Yourself. Her story is beautiful and sad and inspiring & wonderful, but she lets go of perfect and embraces life..."No, life is about love and truly experiencing the beauty we are meant to know." I went on to read some more of her blog and found this quote by author Anne Lamott {which was in an article in O magazine as part of a feature topic of figuring out who you really are meant to be}:

"We begin to find and become ourselves when we notice how we are already found, already truly, entirely, wildly, messily, marvelously who we were born to be..." -Anne Lamott

Anne Lamott goes on to say this "...The only problem is that there is also so much other stuff, typically fixations with how people perceive us, how to get more of the things that we think will make us happy, and with keeping our weight down. So the real issue is how do we gently stop being who we aren't? How do we relieve ourselves of the false fronts of people-pleasing and affectation, the obsessive need for power and security, the backpack of old pain, and the psychic Spanx that keeps us smaller and contained?"
{You can read the whole article here}.

I know now that is what I need to do for myself. I need to gently stop being someone that I am not and embrace the creative, weird, imaginative, colorful, hilarious, joyful person that I know that I am inside. God did not make me who I am to dangle it in front of me. I think that He is waiting for me to stop trying so hard to be the Mrs.Planner-list-making-time-watching-routine-living-power-suit-wearing-briefcase-lugging-type-A-house-in-perfect-order-walls-painted-the-perfect-shade-of-beige kind of woman. Because Honey, that ain't me.

So, an attitude adjustment is in order. God wants me to appreciate who He made me to be and trust His plan for my life. I have been working out and that is helping. I need to be a bit more mindful in how I care for myself. I have been going to bed earlier and I have been enjoying the 6.5 to almost 7 hours of sleep a night. I need to get up earlier and have a few minutes of the day to not rush. But most of all, I need to be grateful for who I am and enjoy the journey of getting to the place in my life where I come into who I really am. Here is another quote from Enjoying the Small Things:

"It's just that I have learned so much about this perfection thing these past weeks, and I am finding myself cozily curling up with a new me. A me that has been cultivating for years, but is truly arriving to the place it's needed to be. The concept of perfect is not flawless or four-point-oh. It's happiness. Happiness with all its messiness and not-quite-there-ness. It's knowing that life is short, and the moments we choose to fill our cup with should be purposeful and colorful. And that's perfection. And our Nella--what the world may view far from perfection--has begun to teach me that."

Another quote that cheered me up was on one of my favorite blogs, Domestic Reflections. She wrote this post on Gisele Bundchen and the birth of her first son. Gisele said this about life {read this article in Vogue}:

"The first is wake up in the morning and be grateful you are here, alive and healthy. And the second is: Give."

Seriously. That is the truth. Thank you for reading my lengthy post & know that just taking the time to write it out helped me figure out some of the shit that has been swirling around in this brain of mine.

I will sign off with a photo and caption from Enjoying the Small Things:

"Life is freakin' fabulous. Live big."

Obama: A Promise that I made & I haven't forgotten!

“This victory alone is not the change we seek.

It is only the chance for us to make that change.”

-President-elect Barack Obama, November 4th, 2008

When Obama was running for President, I was a very passionate believer. I still am. Not because I have put all of my faith on one man's basket, if you will. It isn't just Obama that I believe in, it is the Spirit of the American People. This is what inspires me. What I loved about being part of his campaign wasn't political...although it was nice to talk to people who believe in what matters to me, who were passionate about making a difference, who believed in the best of America, what I loved the most was being a part of something. Being part of history, part of CHANGE & feeling HOPE. To be surrounded by 100,000 people in Downtown Denver in October 2008, people surrounding me as far as I could see, people from all walks of life, all different backgrounds, each one of us filled to the brim with HOPE. We were there to seek change, not because we hate America, but because we Love America, we wanted the best for our future. While I was working on the campaign {canvassing & making phone calls}, everyone was so excited and full of energy. It was inspiring (enter rolling of the eyes and head shaking from all of the conservatives out there) and something that I am proud to have been a part of. I felt then that we were making a difference & I know that people would disagree now, but I still feel like change is taking place. {Let me just state for the record that there are some things that have happened that have left me disappointed with politics...on both sides of the aisle. The inability to come together and get some shit done is completely ridiculous to me...but I digress}.
During the election, I made a promise that "When Obama wins the election, I will do something to help my community." In 2009, we bought a house & we got married. This left me with little time to do, but still time to think.

In 2010, I promise to do. It has made me re-think what the word community means.

It is defined as (according to Dictionary.com):
com⋅mu⋅ni⋅ty/kəˈmyunɪti/ [kuh-myoo-ni-tee] –noun, plural -ties.

1.a social group of any size whose members reside in a specific locality, share government, and often have a common cultural and historical heritage.
2.a locality inhabited by such a group.
3.a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists (usually prec. by the): the business community; the community of scholars.
4.a group of associated nations sharing common interests or a common heritage: the community of Western Europe.

I live in a suburb south of Denver, in a fairly diverse neighborhood. I just moved there and I am still getting to know my neighbors, etc. So, what is my community? Is it the physical location of where I live? Is it made up of the people that live & work around me? Or is it something completely different? Is my own community made up of individuals who have gone through similar struggles or have common interests? Maybe it is a combination of both. I have thought about this a lot over the last few months. I made a promise to make a difference, to give back, to help as I have been helped & I fully intend on keeping my promise. President Obama asked us to give back to our communities & to our country, and I am going to do what he asked. What better way to love your country, than to do something positive for someone else?

If you want to volunteer in your community, please visit Organizing for America on BarackObama.com to sign up.

...To Get To Where I Want to Be

{Image is from Here}

A while back, I wrote this post about doing what I have never done in order to get to where I want to be in life...which really got me thinking. I started to see the areas in my life that needed some help & began to think of creative ways of getting there. I know that you need to write down your goals, think positively, etc. I always get caught up in trying to make it perfect (a word that I seriously dislike...), which keeps me from starting something in the first place. Maybe it is more the fear of doing something wrong that keeps me from starting something, not just trying to make it perfect.

I then found some inspiration in an unexpected place. The office that I work in! I laminated some Effective Affirmations for our Sales Manager & this sparked my interest. I started doing some research & decided that to cross the abyss From Saying to Doing, was to do just that. DO IT. Stop talking, researching, reading, thinking about it and JUST DO IT. So, I did. I made a list of the things about myself or my life that need some work in specific categories (Relationships-with myself & others, Emotions & Attitude, Health & Body, Finances, Career & Spirituality) on the left side of a sheet of paper. I then made an Effective Affirmation on the right side, using powerful words like "I AM," keeping it in the present & keeping it positive. {I come from a family of lovely people who tend to be glass-half-empty people. Love them, but I can not live my life like that. So positive thinking, here I come.} I came up with my affirmations, typed them up & made them look sweet and added a quote at the bottom of each side (I made them to be small, about 4.5" x 5.5" and printed & laminated 4 copies). I did it in excel & I wish that I knew how to put it on here, but I don't.

Here is the quote on the first side:

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Here is the quote on the second side (this is the first track on Alicia Keys' new & amazing album, Element of Freedom):

"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tightly closed in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to BLOOM...This is the Element of Freedom."

-Alicia Keys

{Image from Here}

I keep a copy in my planner, one by my bed, one in my car & one in my bathroom to recite while I am getting ready. I have said them out loud & silently, over & over and I will tell you that even though some of the affirmations are yet to come to fruition, they feel real. They are real because they are who I will be in the future. I must say that I am a believer, just based on how this simple thing has helped to change the way that I view myself and my capabilities.

If you need any help writing your Effective Affirmations, I highly recommend the site Positive Attitude Tips: How to Write An Effective Affirmation: 6 Easy Steps.

I lost 31 pounds this weekend!

{photo from here}

No, it is not what you are thinking. As you know, I am in the process of cleaning out & organizing our 3rd bedroom. It was always designated as "The Craft Room" but after we moved and got married and went on our honeymoon, things were just sort of placed in there. So, it sort of became the catch-all room, with no systems or storage. I had tried to organize, but when you spend only an hour or so in there, never to return until the next time you get a chance, nothing really ever gets done.

A couple of weeks ago, my very good friend Ale ("Alley") came over to visit. We have been friends since we were in high school & have had fun together no matter what we are doing. She understands me really well & can give me the truth without hurting my feelings...and I really needed that this time around! She came over to help me come up with a plan to get the room to be what I want & need it to be. Ale is currently living in New York City and is in the process of starting up her own organizing company. She helped me draft up a plan & come up with some ideas of what to do, so that I could do it when she was back in NYC. The beauty of the whole thing is that this allowed me to do it on my own, while having a plan that helped guide the process along. I needed to do it on my own in order to gain the confidence that I am good at organizing my things & that I am totally capable of setting up systems that will help keep things running smoothly. She called me the night before I started to see what I was planning on doing the next day & also during the following days of organizing.

I started by taking (almost) every single thing out of the room and putting each box, bag or item in a designated spot: all desk/paper/correspondence/bills in one area, all crafting stuff in another, etc. I was shocked and a little embarrassed at the amount of stuff that came out of that little room! Bit by bit, pile by pile and bag by bag (I have inherited my grandmother's ability to organize by putting things into cute bags, only I leave them in the bags "to put away later" and later never seems to happen often enough!). Last night, as I was surveying my progress, I decided to weigh the bags that I have filled with paper: 2 to be recycled & 1 for shredding. All together, they weighed 31 pounds. THIRTY-ONE POUNDS OF PAPER. I know that admitting this is making me seem like a hoarder or something, but I am not. Really. Hoarders see nothing wrong with what is surrounding them & I saw everything that was wrong. I just didn't have a system to keep me in check and I didn't have one place to put paper related items. It was just stuff that had accumulated, but now it is gone & it feels so good. I literally feel lighter. I know that all of you neat-nicks out there are thinking "how did she accumulate that much stuff?" I think it some of it was me trying to do too many things, not having one place to take care of paper-related things, not maintaining so things don't get out of hand, etc. I took a NO MERCY position and feel so much better. I am proud of myself in a way that I have never been before. It was a huge job & I did it on my own & on my own terms & that feels fucking amazing.


P.S. After reading this post on Small Notebook For a Simple Home blog, I feel much better knowing that I am not the only one out there who struggles with the paper monster!

Doing What I Have Never Done Before...

As you may recall, I started a new direction for this blog a few weeks ago (original post here). The goal was to explore the interesting, frustrating but never boring world of being ADHD. I touched on it one or two more times after the inital post, but I haven't continue to write like I had originally wanted to. I think that I started to get a little nervous about opening up & talking about things that I struggle with. What if {fill in the blank} reads this? What if someone reads it & thinks differently of me? Or what if.....? The list kept growing and I started to doubt what the point of writing it all down was in the first place.



Then I remembered that I want to improve my life and figure out what I am made of. Part of that is to do things that I have never done before. I feel like I am always trying to get better at the things that I am not that great at and I never feel like I really get anywhere, no matter how hard I try. My friends & family will always say, "yea, but look how far you have come..." Yes, I have come far, thanks entirely to becoming reacquainted with my Man, Jesus & becoming a mother. Both of these relationships have brought me more joy, love & happiness than I could have ever imagined. I was a little, ummm, rowdy before I had Reese, so when I became a momma, I had to figure out what kind of mother I needed to be to be a good one to Reese. I stayed home all the time and I loved it (I used to be the person who was never home, always out). I think that I used that time to try and "get organized" because I would be a better person if I was organized. I wouldn't be late for work if I was more organized...you get the idea. I have become much more organized in the last couple of years, but at what expense? Staying home all weekend, trying to get laundry done, bathrooms cleaned, food made for the week, finances in order, dust, change the beds because if my house could just all be cleaned and organized and put away, like magic, I would finally be organized. If I was organized, then I would use my day planner religiously and never be late for work again. Right? Wrong. I have to come to some sort of agreement with the ADHD. I know that I have to find my own kind of organization and be confident in it because it works for me. I am always apologizing for and making fun of, my own problems with organization, when I am actually good at organizing things. {You should see my linen closet!} I do feel that "the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over & over and expecting different results" is happening before my very eyes. This happens to me a lot. I look back & I see the same mistakes made then are some of the very same ones that I continue to make today. So, what to do? Let's go on an adventure and do what we have not done before, in order to go where we have never gone before...who said that? I don't know, but it is the truth.

Who is in?

I am.

I am going to have to think about how to articulate what my goals are for this year. I make them every year and never write them down and keep focused on them. This year was a little different. I planned a wedding {loved it}, got married {love it}, my baby started kindergarten and we bought a house. Those things all required planning and organization. But it is time to do some things a bit differently this year when it comes to making changes. I am going to keep track of my goals on my blog and see what happens.

sweet. it's on....










{This is actually a t shirt...funny}