I think that I am in a rut because I need to make myself a priority more often. Maybe not myself, but my health and well-being a priority. When I was younger, before I had my first child and before I was married, I would read about mothers in women's magazines. You know the type. They were the ones who never took time for themselves and one day found themselves out of shape, no longer stylish, hadn't worn make up since they had their first kid and their hair comes in one style: The Ponytail.
I am not that woman. I wear make up every day and although I certainly don't go shopping for clothing very often (okay never), and I have no idea who the pop music artists are (a clear indicator that I am now a grown-up), I have style and I want to take good care of myself. And I never wear my long hair in a ponytail.
I think that it is hard to make your physical and mental well-being a priority sometimes and it is especially difficult when you have a family to take care of. There is that whole not-being-able-to-just-walk-out-the-door-to-go-to-the-gym-when-you-feel-like-going thing that mothers have going on that can be a hindrance sometimes ;) Even when Josh is here with the kids and I go out for a run (which admittedly hasn't happened in a long time and that makes me sad because I love running ), I usually stay close to our house and run around our neighborhood, which is not exactly peaceful. I admit that I am nervous about running on the trails near the river by our house alone, so I don't. We have a dog that is a total sweetheart but damn, he sucks to run with because when he sees another dog, he acts like a lunatic. I remember a few months ago, I really, really needed to go running and when I mentioned going, all of a sudden the entire family was going with me to walk while I ran nearby. I almost burst into tears because I really just needed time alone dammit!! Then I felt bad for feeling that way. What the hell? Why do we feel bad needing time alone, when we spend so much time caring for others? Even when you know you shouldn't feel guilty or bad, you do any way. Pretty sure you know what I am talking about here.
So...I was playing pretend with Reese tonight. She loves to set up shops or studios in our little mud room/laundry room and play pretend. She has had a fix-it shop, a store, a vet clinic among many others, but my personal favorite was her "Kroty" studio last fall. Her best friend is in Karate, so Reese wanted to pretend and Elliot's Kroty Studio was in our mud room for a few weeks. We still laugh about that one....anyway, tonight it was Beth's Ballet School. She thought this was funny because my name is Elizabeth, but I grew up as Beth for most of my life...I was in my early 20's when I decided to use my full name. You wouldn't believe the people who gave me shit for it. Um. Excuse me?? It is MY NAME, thankyouverymuch. If I want to use my full name, which I love, instead of my nickname, which I never liked (sorry mom!), I am going to do it regardless of who doesn't like it. (We had fun, even though pretend play has tested my patience level more than a few times over the last 8 years. I now know that I am not the only mom who feels this way, thanks to my excellent neighbor who is a fantastic mother, who let me know that she strongly dislikes pretend play too sometimes). I was the instructor, who was "instructed" to lead the stretching for the ballet students (Reese and our dog, Elliot). I did a few downward dogs, cat/cows and warrior poses and that is when I realized that all I really need is some yoga in my life again. I don't mean my prenatal yoga video or my postnatal boot camp video. I need real, live yoga. In a studio, with real people around me.
So, this Sunday morning, I am going to drag out my mat, shake the dust off it and get into my car with my best girl friend. To celebrate 32 years of friendship, yoga, running, breathing and laughing. Now I will have 5 things that I need and love in my life. Five things that absolutely guarantee a way out of a rut!
Sounds about right :)