Just in the nick of time...

this will probably post right before midnight, but it's all good. There will still be one for June 5th, 2010, right? I had started a post yesterday for today, but now I'm just not feelin' it.

This blogging every day for 30 days might be harder than I thought...


But then I realize that it doesn't have to be perfect. Every post doesn't have to have super-amazing-the-lighting-is-just-perfect-photos or clever writing or something really interesting to talk about...

I am learning to let go & embrace Good Enough.

Especially when it comes to the things that really don't mean anything at the end of the day. You know, like the laundry. I am learning to stop trying to be perfect, even though I am not the typical model of someone who is trying to be perfect. I am not exactly a goody-goody, straight A student, superstar athlete kind of perfectionist.

But I have fallen victim to "If I was just perfectly organized, I wouldn't have issues with _________ ." (fill in the blank with one or more of the following: being late, losing shit, being late, stacking papers into a pile because I literally, really don't know what the hell to do with them, being late. You get the idea). I am finally realizing that I have to be organized for myself & for my family & that I don't have to be perfect at it. I just have to embrace the attitude that sometimes, things just have to be Good Enough. and let it go at that. Save that energy for the bigger things that will head my way.


It is hard to do sometimes.

Well, I think that I am just going to do it...

So, I've been slacking in the blogging department. BIG TIME. I could list about a hundred reasons why I haven't blogged in over 2 months, but all I would really accomplish is the fact that I am making excuses. I have about a million posts in my head, but I will keep it short & sweet today. I decided to join NaBloPoMo or National Blog Posting Month. November is really their main month to challenge bloggers to blog daily, but I thought that it would be a good way to motivate myself to:

A. Write Everyday.
B. Let go of the Perfectionism, and just do it.
C. Find different things to talk about.
D.Challenge myself.

So, here is goes. 30 days of blogging (okay, well 27 days...in true Elizabeth fashion, I'm late starting!)

I receive Kate Spade emails and recently, they sent one with this picture:





This just made me happy looking at it.

I love the jacket, the pinwheels & of course the yellow bike!

My First Blog Award!

Sweet! My dear friend Andrea, over at Team Garner gave me my very first blogging award! This is a big motivation to make sure that I write more often. I have been slacking, that is fo' sho'! I will be passing this award to 4 bloggers who faithfully write everyday, always make me laugh & are honest about the joys & heartaches of Motherhood. Each of you deserve this award!

What is a Stiletto Award???

There are thousands of blogs, and there are hundreds of awards. The Stiletto Award is a little different than most!

{The Stiletto Award Is For Excellence in Blogging!}

I want to salute the women who balance life, family & relationships with style & class! Those women who share their experiences with us…who encourage us, inspire us, teach us, make us laugh and basically keep us going! You know who they are! While you read this blog, your family is looking at you wondering what the heck you are laughing about so hard…or why the tissue is necessary for Internet browsing. It’s the one that the kids are excited about because a new post means a new craft project or family outing. The one that inspires you to be a better mom, friend, person in general. The one that reminds you that we are all “in this life together” and you’re not the only one going through the hard stuff. The one that you secretly wish your blog was like…

If you’ve received this award, someone out there thinks you deserve it! Be proud! Display the badge with honor! You earned it…after all it means that you brought something special to at least one other person, and really, isn’t that what life’s all about????

{THE RULES}

This blog award is meant to be shared, to be given out, to be bestowed upon any and ALL women who exemplify what the stiletto represents. If you’ve received this award, here’s what you do:

1. Display your Stiletto Badge of Honor on your sidebar! Wear it with pride!

2. BRAG ABOUT IT.

3. SAY THANKS.

4. SHARE THE LOVE.

5. DO WHAT YOU DO...keep at it. Keep inspiring and encouraging and sharing your life! We love it and we thank you!!!

I pass this award to:

Little Things Are Big

Perilously Precocious

Fishsticks & Fireflies

Life According to Leah

Thank you all for your honesty, for sharing your life {the good & the not-so-good} & for all of your encouragement...you ladies are awesome!

Waking Up & Being Grateful

{Let me preface this post with this tidbit of important information: as you all know, I used to have a problem with being on time to work. I say USED TO because I have not been late for work in almost 2 months. Really. TWO MONTHS! Thank you, Jesus. Take That ADD!}

image from here

{Life in a Glass Bubble. I Need Out!}

I am tired. I am tired of having/being/suffering from ADHD. I am tired of having no one around that even remotely understands what it feels like. I am tired of feeling like I am swimming in circles while slowly drowning at the same time. I am tired of trying to tell someone about it & having them not understand or worse, having them laugh. They don't usually laugh at me, but they laugh because they don't understand. I guess that I could explain it like this:

I feel like I am in a glass bubble, looking out and seeing the things that I am good at and the life that I want to some day live {designing, living a creative successful life, staying home with my kid, etc.} and it is so close that I can feel it, but I can't seem to get there. I try and I try and I have been trying for years (basically since Reese was born) to get more organized and timely and orderly and better with paper and correspondence and paying my bills and trying hard not to fail like I thought that I had been for years. I was trying to be a better person by not being who I am because I felt that I had failed myself and others when I was myself. I think that I have tried so hard for so long to be someone that I am not, instead of trying to be the best Elizabeth that I can be. I need to be okay and happy with who I am and I am having a difficult time doing that. I think a lot of it has to do with working at a job that goes against everything that comes naturally to me, I spend all day in front of a computer, or filing or other non-creative {mind-numbing & torturous} activities. I come home to the usual craziness of kid pick-up, dinner, clean-up, bath, book, bed, more clean-up, laundry, lunch-making, reading & then sleeping and then getting up the next day and doing it all over again. Waiting for the weekend, so that I can finally catch my breath. Thinking that "wouldn't this all be easier/better/more joyful if I didn't have to work full-time? or had more time by myself?" All of these thoughts and feelings and dreams and loss and fumbling around, all while trying to love my little family and create a life for us that is genuinely happy {and by happy I mean with all of life's bumps and bruises and loveliness and craziness/beautifulness}...

All of these thoughts have lead me down the path of Feeling-Sorry-For-Myself: which inevitably snowballs into What-The-Fuck-am-I-Doing? I-Suck! I-am-So-Bad-At-Laundry-Housework-Being-A-Momma-Being-A-Wife-Being-A-Friend-I-Have-Gained-30-Pounds-I-Hate-My-Clothes-&-My-Hair-Style-Sucks-and-I-Haven't-Blogged-In-A-Month-and-Basically-I-Feel-Like-Shit Attitude Problem. {I am not a shitty momma by the way. or wifey. and I do hate my clothes, but I did just get a haircut and I love it}.

Then, I read this beautiful Birth Story from the wonderful blog Enjoying The Small Things. And I realized something that I have known all along, but can't seem to fully grasp. Life isn't about being perfect. Or having an vision of perfect. It is about being loved and giving love and letting yourself be just that. Yourself. Her story is beautiful and sad and inspiring & wonderful, but she lets go of perfect and embraces life..."No, life is about love and truly experiencing the beauty we are meant to know." I went on to read some more of her blog and found this quote by author Anne Lamott {which was in an article in O magazine as part of a feature topic of figuring out who you really are meant to be}:

"We begin to find and become ourselves when we notice how we are already found, already truly, entirely, wildly, messily, marvelously who we were born to be..." -Anne Lamott

Anne Lamott goes on to say this "...The only problem is that there is also so much other stuff, typically fixations with how people perceive us, how to get more of the things that we think will make us happy, and with keeping our weight down. So the real issue is how do we gently stop being who we aren't? How do we relieve ourselves of the false fronts of people-pleasing and affectation, the obsessive need for power and security, the backpack of old pain, and the psychic Spanx that keeps us smaller and contained?"
{You can read the whole article here}.

I know now that is what I need to do for myself. I need to gently stop being someone that I am not and embrace the creative, weird, imaginative, colorful, hilarious, joyful person that I know that I am inside. God did not make me who I am to dangle it in front of me. I think that He is waiting for me to stop trying so hard to be the Mrs.Planner-list-making-time-watching-routine-living-power-suit-wearing-briefcase-lugging-type-A-house-in-perfect-order-walls-painted-the-perfect-shade-of-beige kind of woman. Because Honey, that ain't me.

So, an attitude adjustment is in order. God wants me to appreciate who He made me to be and trust His plan for my life. I have been working out and that is helping. I need to be a bit more mindful in how I care for myself. I have been going to bed earlier and I have been enjoying the 6.5 to almost 7 hours of sleep a night. I need to get up earlier and have a few minutes of the day to not rush. But most of all, I need to be grateful for who I am and enjoy the journey of getting to the place in my life where I come into who I really am. Here is another quote from Enjoying the Small Things:

"It's just that I have learned so much about this perfection thing these past weeks, and I am finding myself cozily curling up with a new me. A me that has been cultivating for years, but is truly arriving to the place it's needed to be. The concept of perfect is not flawless or four-point-oh. It's happiness. Happiness with all its messiness and not-quite-there-ness. It's knowing that life is short, and the moments we choose to fill our cup with should be purposeful and colorful. And that's perfection. And our Nella--what the world may view far from perfection--has begun to teach me that."

Another quote that cheered me up was on one of my favorite blogs, Domestic Reflections. She wrote this post on Gisele Bundchen and the birth of her first son. Gisele said this about life {read this article in Vogue}:

"The first is wake up in the morning and be grateful you are here, alive and healthy. And the second is: Give."

Seriously. That is the truth. Thank you for reading my lengthy post & know that just taking the time to write it out helped me figure out some of the shit that has been swirling around in this brain of mine.

I will sign off with a photo and caption from Enjoying the Small Things:

"Life is freakin' fabulous. Live big."

2 years ago today...

Josh asked me the easiest question that I have ever had to answer...

{Will you marry me???}







{YES!!!}

Josh, Thank you for being such a wonderful & loving husband to me. {even though I know that I can be a pain in the ass sometimes} Thank you for being such a loving Daddy to our daughter. I love being your wife & I love this adventure that we are on... Thank you for being the sweetness to my soul!

I LOVE YOU!!!

My Little Ray of Sunshine

{September 2004 - 3 months old}

{September 2004 - 3 months old}

For those of you who don't know me personally, let me fill you in a bit on my life. When I was 24 years old, I was living in Downtown Denver, working as a make-up artist by day and partying at night. I always had fun, no matter where I was or who I was with. In September of 2003, I had a bad experience {nothing illegal or traumatic, but something that made me wake up and realize I needed to take a break from the party-girl lifestyle I was currently living}. So, I stopped drinking and started to stay home at night. At the end of September, my beloved Grandma passed away unexpectedly. I was crushed. She was my friend, my source of unconditional love and was someone who always made me feel like I was the only one in the world when I was with her. The day after her funeral, I decided to take a pregnancy test *just to make sure* Well, 3 tests later, there were still 2 faint blue lines and I was a little freaked out. My Grandmother had mentioned something to me about having a baby about a month before she passed, which I quickly dismissed. I knew in my heart that it would be my complete responsibility to raise this child, although at the time, I didn't want it to be that way.

Not having health insurance at the time (I had lost mine when I turned 24 six months prior & the insurance through my job was terribly expensive), I was at a loss as to what to do for prenatal care. My friend suggested that I go to Planned Parenthood. When I arrived at the clinic, I took another test which confirmed that life was about to change in ways I didn't even know yet. The nurses that gave me the test hugged me and told me that "everything was going to be fine" and that they were really happy for me. They told me about Rose Midwifery at Rose Medical Center in Denver, which is where I later received all of my wonderful prenatal and delivery care.

{Let me climb up on my soapbox for a moment: To all of those people who have strong opinions about Planned Parenthood, let me tell you something. As a young woman who was faced with an unplanned pregnancy, I have a healthy and happy child because of the compassion and care that I received at Planned Parenthood}

I continued to live in Denver until the beginning of February 2004 and through a series of unfortunate events (later I could see what blessings they really were), I decided to move back home with my parents. They were very supportive & caring throughout my pregnancy, although it was a bit of an adjustment for everyone. Nothing is as humbling as being pregnant, single & living at home!

I had a conversation with my business manager & manager one day at work. I was having a very difficult time realizing that I was going to be raising this child on my own, no matter how hard I tried to change the outcome. Knowing that I was upset, they took me out into the main part of the mall {anyone who is familiar with Cherry Creek Mall in Denver knows about the play area that they have there for kids...no playground equipment, just giant fake food that kids climb all over--they go bananas over it!-pun intended--see photos at the end of this post}. It was there that I had a conversation that forever changed my life. My business manager, Joni said something to me that I have thought about a million times since. She said:

"Elizabeth, you have so much JOY ahead of you."

It was in that moment that I realized that I needed to stop feeling so sorry for myself & get my shit together. I actually found Joni on Facebook recently & I sent her a message to say thank you. To tell someone like me, who was weighed down by guilt & overwhelmed by what the future held, her words were like honey....a little sweetness for the soul, if you will.


Reese was born June 7, 2004. I had a natural birth that aside from pushing for an hour & a half, went beautifully. The room was full of my friends & my Mom, with my Dad waiting anxiously in the hall. I felt like all of these amazing women had helped me bring Reese into the world, so they might as well be there for her entrance into it. After it was all over, we popped open a bottle of champagne & celebrated this beautiful little life. The first song Reese heard was "Isn't She Lovely," by the amazing Stevie Wonder. I remember holding Reese and realizing that I never knew that my heart could love someone that much. Looking back on that day, I can't help but think that I had no idea the adventure that motherhood was about to take me on & that that little tiny baby would quickly grow into such a sweet & creative little girl, who has brought me & the rest of my family so much JOY.


Thank you to Jesus, who knew that this is what my life needed & while it wasn't always easy, it would always be worth it. He made sure that I was never alone. I have learned that through the heat & pressure that life brings, He produces the diamond within us.


Thank you to all of the amazing women that have given to me the advice, the guidance, and the confidence to be a mother, even when I thought that I didn't deserve it. I felt like I was in a modern day Red Tent {which is one of my all-time favorite books}. It will never cease to amaze me the way that women support and lift each other out of the dark places in our lives & bring us back into the light.


We wouldn't be here without the compassion & love that we were given from Jesus and the ladies!





Okay, here are the photos of the amazing playland at Cherry Creek Mall:

Anthropologie Eye Candy

Instead of doing Product Review Friday, I am going to share some stuff that I like from one of my favorite stores, Anthropologie. Right now, financially they are a bit out of my reach, but in the spirit of Effective Affirmations, I will be able to shop there someday. Believe me, if I thought that we would always be Newlywed Broke, I would be a bit sad. (But, this is where we are and I am enjoying life. One can dream though right? And maybe do a little window shopping, too). One of my Effective Affirmations is "I love my evolving sense of style." It is evolving because I am becoming more confident in who I am & what I like to wear. It is also evolving because I am changing as a person. I think this has a lot to do with being 30 (and almost 31!) Anyway, these are all from Anthropologie.com. I love their whimsical clothes and I also love their home goods.

{For The Momma}

{For the Small One}

{this is an apron---Reese would love this}

{For The Kitchen}

{I have the measuring bowls-a dear friend gave them to me for my bridal shower-love them!}

Have a great weekend!

Things I Want To Remember

My wonderful friend Andrea wrote a post about the things that she wants to remember about her daughter, Katie. Katie is 13 1/2 months old and is at that stage where she is into everything. This post inspired me to do the same for my little Reese. My daughter Reese is 5 1/2 and was born on Andrea's birthday {Lucky Day: June 7th} Andrea was actually supposed to come to our house for dinner that night, but we always laugh and say that I had her a baby instead! So, in honor of my friend & my daughter, my birthday twins, here is a list of things that Reese is doing right now:

• Until recently, she has never had a favorite-can't-sleep-without-it toy or blanket. Josh's mom gave her a Polar Bear stuffed animal and for some reason, she is really attached to it. She puts her doll clothes on it and it comes everywhere with her (except for school). I have put her (the polar bear, not Reese!) in the wash a few times because frankly, it starts to gross me out when I think about where this bear has gone and what it has touched. I am glad that she has a favorite friend though.

• She is really loves any little toy. By little I mean Polly Pocket sized toys. No boyish toys for this girly-girl. We gave her a Strawberry Shortcake little play set for Christmas and she loves it. I do too. I love the Strawberry Shortcake smell and really wish that they would make it into a perfume already.
  


• She likes to make sure that her toys are "comfy." She likes to make them beds out of little boxes that she puts socks (clean ones!) or wash cloths in little boxes to make them feel comfy. It is really cute and I find these little beds everywhere. Josh suggested that I take pictures of the stuff that she makes, so I have been. I will post some pictures.



• She likes to pretend to be Rachel Ray when she is taking a bath. It is hilarious. She totally gets into it. She says things like, "Okay and on Rachel Ray today, we are going to learn to make really yummy, uhhhhhh, toasts with, ummmm, jelly." Then pours water into little cups in the bathtub. The best is when she leaves for a commercial break, "we'll cook that right after the messages."

• She is enjoying being in Kindergarten, although I know that she sometimes feels like "everyone else knows what to do & sometimes I don't." Oh, Reesey. We all feel like that once in a while...even when you're a grown up!She is just about to start spelling & reading...which sometimes results in some hilarious new words: "pocoporn" (popcorn) and "horsores" (horse).

• Has been asking about babies. like where they come from. She asked me while we were driving, "how is a baby made Momma?" I almost drove off the road, but did tell her that we could talk about it more when Momma wasn't driving (and to give Momma some time to look up age-appropriate baby-making talk for a 5 year-old!) I also commented that "Well, and you know, God puts the baby there, blah, blah, blah..." She responded with, "Yeah, but how does the baby get IN there?"

• She likes to sing. And talk. A LOT. Especially when we are in the car and it is just me, Reese and the open road...or just driving around Denver. She sings "Home On The Range," but instead of "where the deer and the antelope play" it becomes "where the deer and the cantaloupe play." Priceless.
  


• One day while driving, we passed a pickup truck with a camper on top of the bed of the truck. The camper had a ladder on the back. Reese looked at the camper and told me, "Momma. That camper has a pool on top." I said, "Really? How do you know that?" She said, "It has a ladder on the back & that is how you get to it." I had to turn my face out the window to hide my smile. It was one of those moments that I wish I could bottle up and keep forever.

I know the baby days of not much sleep, teething, poopy diapers, drooling, never ever getting anything done are very tiresome for mommas. But they go by so fast and the next thing you know, you have a little person hanging around with you. I look at pictures of myself with Reese when she was a baby and I want to reach through the photo and give myself a hug and tell me to be more gentle with myself. To believe in myself and most of all, to tell myself that I was doing a good job. I did try to live in the moment during those early days and I am glad. They went by so fast and now they are memories. I look forward to each day that I spend with Reese. She has taught me a lot about being myself, learning to let go & let God, playing more & worry less. She has taught me to take myself less seriously & for that, I am forever grateful.

Obama: A Promise that I made & I haven't forgotten!

“This victory alone is not the change we seek.

It is only the chance for us to make that change.”

-President-elect Barack Obama, November 4th, 2008

When Obama was running for President, I was a very passionate believer. I still am. Not because I have put all of my faith on one man's basket, if you will. It isn't just Obama that I believe in, it is the Spirit of the American People. This is what inspires me. What I loved about being part of his campaign wasn't political...although it was nice to talk to people who believe in what matters to me, who were passionate about making a difference, who believed in the best of America, what I loved the most was being a part of something. Being part of history, part of CHANGE & feeling HOPE. To be surrounded by 100,000 people in Downtown Denver in October 2008, people surrounding me as far as I could see, people from all walks of life, all different backgrounds, each one of us filled to the brim with HOPE. We were there to seek change, not because we hate America, but because we Love America, we wanted the best for our future. While I was working on the campaign {canvassing & making phone calls}, everyone was so excited and full of energy. It was inspiring (enter rolling of the eyes and head shaking from all of the conservatives out there) and something that I am proud to have been a part of. I felt then that we were making a difference & I know that people would disagree now, but I still feel like change is taking place. {Let me just state for the record that there are some things that have happened that have left me disappointed with politics...on both sides of the aisle. The inability to come together and get some shit done is completely ridiculous to me...but I digress}.
During the election, I made a promise that "When Obama wins the election, I will do something to help my community." In 2009, we bought a house & we got married. This left me with little time to do, but still time to think.

In 2010, I promise to do. It has made me re-think what the word community means.

It is defined as (according to Dictionary.com):
com⋅mu⋅ni⋅ty/kəˈmyunɪti/ [kuh-myoo-ni-tee] –noun, plural -ties.

1.a social group of any size whose members reside in a specific locality, share government, and often have a common cultural and historical heritage.
2.a locality inhabited by such a group.
3.a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists (usually prec. by the): the business community; the community of scholars.
4.a group of associated nations sharing common interests or a common heritage: the community of Western Europe.

I live in a suburb south of Denver, in a fairly diverse neighborhood. I just moved there and I am still getting to know my neighbors, etc. So, what is my community? Is it the physical location of where I live? Is it made up of the people that live & work around me? Or is it something completely different? Is my own community made up of individuals who have gone through similar struggles or have common interests? Maybe it is a combination of both. I have thought about this a lot over the last few months. I made a promise to make a difference, to give back, to help as I have been helped & I fully intend on keeping my promise. President Obama asked us to give back to our communities & to our country, and I am going to do what he asked. What better way to love your country, than to do something positive for someone else?

If you want to volunteer in your community, please visit Organizing for America on BarackObama.com to sign up.

SHIT!

The first word out of my mouth this morning was:

q

SHIT!

q

q

q

q

Pray that my boss has mercy on my late ass & doesn't fire me.

Days like this make me feel like I'm taking 2 steps forward & 10 back.

Tomorrow is a new day, right?