Update: My Not-So-Martha Martha Stewart moment

I was unable to upload pictures from my camera last night, but I was able to do it once I got to work this morning (shhh!)

So without further ado, I give to you in all of its glory....

The Cake:
{Made with love and frosted in a 100 degree kitchen}

This cake was meant to be. It will serve as a reminder to laugh when something doesn't quite turn out the way that you had thought. It is now forever a memory that will always make me smile & it is a lesson that taught me something. I learned to be confident in a situation that once would have left me feeling a little stupid. I learned to let it go and move on to the next thing even with a party taking place. It made me feel good to laugh and let it go.

The best part? I took Reese into our kitchen, opened the fridge and showed her the cake. She & I looked at each other and we both started laughing. I told her that I needed my baking assistant to help me next time! She said, "it's okay Momma. I like the lavender frosting!"

She just made my day.

Here is a picture of Reese on her birthday, eating at her favorite place, Noodles & Company. She always gets the Mac & Cheese. I'm still a bit hesitant about putting her picture on the Internet, which explains the side profile picture. She looks like she is sad, but she isn't.

{My Little Ray of Sunshine is Six Years Old}

I must say that I am enjoying the NaBloPoMo challenge. It is really fun to think about what I will write about next!

P.S. I have to confess that I actually bought FOOD COLORING to tint the frosting. I have a natural food coloring, but it was not turning out the way that I wanted. I guess if I had known what was in store, I wouldn't have worried about the color so much...

My Not-So-Martha Martha Stewart moment

{This was what I was imaging the cake would look like- no, not the whole thing, just one of the sections!}

So, in the spirit of letting go of perfectionism and in the tradition of making Reese her birthday cake, I embarked on the journey of making a 3 layer yellow cake with buttercream frosting, tinted with natural food dyes to achieve Reese's favorite color, Lavender. She also specified that she wanted "pink, green, yellow & blue polka dots." So, I bought all of the ingredients & set out to make The Cake.

I found this recipe on Bakerella.com and couldn't wait to use it. Here is what the cake was projected to look like:

I have made a layer cake once before & I have seen them being made (and frosted!) on TV, so I really thought that I could do it with this cake. I made the three layers last night, wrapped them up and planned on making the frosting this afternoon, before the little party we had for Reese.

I sort of forgot that frosting a cake in a kitchen in a house that lacks air conditioning when it is 97 degrees outside may lead to some serious cake issues.

it did.
As I watched the frosting stick to the cake & then pull parts of the cake up, I quickly realized that Reese's 6th Birthday cake wasn't going to be the 3 layers of lovely-lavender-polka-dotted-goodness that I had imagined.

Then something miraculous happened. I laughed my ass off. I finished it as best I could, put it on my cake stand from Crate & Barrel and put that baby in the fridge.

I let go of perfection.
You know what? It felt good to be able to laugh at myself & not beat myself up over it. Shit happens. I thought about how fitting it was, considering what I have been posting about lately. Embracing Good Enough. I knew that I had given the cake my best effort and isn't that really the point?

You know what else? The cake was damn good and the frosting was a lovely shade of lavender.


Plus, we ate it on the back patio and it was sort of dark out there.


P.S. And the icing on the cake (yes pun intended!) I can't upload my pictures from my camera for some reason. I will definitely post them tomorrow!

On the eve of her 6th birthday

Tomorrow my little Reese turns SIX years old. I'm feeling the way that I think that most mommas feel the night before & the day of their child's birthday. Happy, nostalgic, a little sad, excited and just that feeling that I can't find the words to explain. She was born on my best friend's birthday, which I love for many reasons. She was also born on a Monday & her birthday falls on a Monday this year, too. I remember that day so well, it was the best day of my life (my wedding was too, but for totally different reasons). So many people helped me bring Reese into the world, I was truly blessed. I knew that then, but I really know it now. I thought that I knew what I was in for...

But I had no idea.

I had no idea of the joy, heartache, exhaustion, pride, happiness and the depth of love for my beautiful child that awaited me. I learned quickly though, that's for sure! I didn't know what the future held for us, but I knew that I loved this child with a fierceness that I had never known. I learned how a few amazing women, some that you have known for years & others that you have only known for a short time, can lift you out of a low point in your life & show you the light of the life that you are beginning to start. I received a ton of advice when Reese was born...some of it I dismissed and some I have never forgotten & still think about. Here are a few examples:

"The first six weeks suck."--My good friend Kristie, who had her 1st baby 6 months before I did. This was great advice because it made me realize that it wouldn't last forever & I realized that it really was hard, it wasn't just me!

"Take it one day at a time & say your prayers."--My wonderful Nanny, my mom's mom

"I wasn't the best housewife or the most organized mom, but I knew how to have fun."--My mom's teacher friend who is fearless and fun & whose son's friend still remembers the time she took them frog catching instead of staying home to clean & do laundry.

Play with your babies, toddlers, preschoolers and kids. Play pretend. Get them out of the house and take them on an adventure, even just to the park. Make things a game and you can get them to help you with anything & they will learn to have fun doing the everyday things. Most importantly, remember that they are children & they are learning to do everything. Be patient when little hands make a mess, break something or forget to do something. They are little tiny souls learning in this world, so be gentle with your words. Read and do Love & Logic parenting. It really works. Don't beat yourself up when you fall short. Some days just suck. period. Everyday is not sunshine & honey, some days are dark & shitty. You will get overwhelmed and feel insecure, but try not to compare yourself to other mothers. We all have our issues with motherhood & that is okay. Think about the kind of family life you want to create & do the little things that will get you there. Feed your kids good food, real food. They will behave better & if you don't believe me, watch them after they eat ice cream. But. let them eat candy once in a while. It will be okay. Really it will. Keep your heart open. Motherhood is crazy/beautiful and I am so grateful to be a part of it.

{I will end with this wonderful quote from the wonderful Sark:}

My Little Ray of Sunshine

{September 2004 - 3 months old}

{September 2004 - 3 months old}

For those of you who don't know me personally, let me fill you in a bit on my life. When I was 24 years old, I was living in Downtown Denver, working as a make-up artist by day and partying at night. I always had fun, no matter where I was or who I was with. In September of 2003, I had a bad experience {nothing illegal or traumatic, but something that made me wake up and realize I needed to take a break from the party-girl lifestyle I was currently living}. So, I stopped drinking and started to stay home at night. At the end of September, my beloved Grandma passed away unexpectedly. I was crushed. She was my friend, my source of unconditional love and was someone who always made me feel like I was the only one in the world when I was with her. The day after her funeral, I decided to take a pregnancy test *just to make sure* Well, 3 tests later, there were still 2 faint blue lines and I was a little freaked out. My Grandmother had mentioned something to me about having a baby about a month before she passed, which I quickly dismissed. I knew in my heart that it would be my complete responsibility to raise this child, although at the time, I didn't want it to be that way.

Not having health insurance at the time (I had lost mine when I turned 24 six months prior & the insurance through my job was terribly expensive), I was at a loss as to what to do for prenatal care. My friend suggested that I go to Planned Parenthood. When I arrived at the clinic, I took another test which confirmed that life was about to change in ways I didn't even know yet. The nurses that gave me the test hugged me and told me that "everything was going to be fine" and that they were really happy for me. They told me about Rose Midwifery at Rose Medical Center in Denver, which is where I later received all of my wonderful prenatal and delivery care.

{Let me climb up on my soapbox for a moment: To all of those people who have strong opinions about Planned Parenthood, let me tell you something. As a young woman who was faced with an unplanned pregnancy, I have a healthy and happy child because of the compassion and care that I received at Planned Parenthood}

I continued to live in Denver until the beginning of February 2004 and through a series of unfortunate events (later I could see what blessings they really were), I decided to move back home with my parents. They were very supportive & caring throughout my pregnancy, although it was a bit of an adjustment for everyone. Nothing is as humbling as being pregnant, single & living at home!

I had a conversation with my business manager & manager one day at work. I was having a very difficult time realizing that I was going to be raising this child on my own, no matter how hard I tried to change the outcome. Knowing that I was upset, they took me out into the main part of the mall {anyone who is familiar with Cherry Creek Mall in Denver knows about the play area that they have there for kids...no playground equipment, just giant fake food that kids climb all over--they go bananas over it!-pun intended--see photos at the end of this post}. It was there that I had a conversation that forever changed my life. My business manager, Joni said something to me that I have thought about a million times since. She said:

"Elizabeth, you have so much JOY ahead of you."

It was in that moment that I realized that I needed to stop feeling so sorry for myself & get my shit together. I actually found Joni on Facebook recently & I sent her a message to say thank you. To tell someone like me, who was weighed down by guilt & overwhelmed by what the future held, her words were like honey....a little sweetness for the soul, if you will.


Reese was born June 7, 2004. I had a natural birth that aside from pushing for an hour & a half, went beautifully. The room was full of my friends & my Mom, with my Dad waiting anxiously in the hall. I felt like all of these amazing women had helped me bring Reese into the world, so they might as well be there for her entrance into it. After it was all over, we popped open a bottle of champagne & celebrated this beautiful little life. The first song Reese heard was "Isn't She Lovely," by the amazing Stevie Wonder. I remember holding Reese and realizing that I never knew that my heart could love someone that much. Looking back on that day, I can't help but think that I had no idea the adventure that motherhood was about to take me on & that that little tiny baby would quickly grow into such a sweet & creative little girl, who has brought me & the rest of my family so much JOY.


Thank you to Jesus, who knew that this is what my life needed & while it wasn't always easy, it would always be worth it. He made sure that I was never alone. I have learned that through the heat & pressure that life brings, He produces the diamond within us.


Thank you to all of the amazing women that have given to me the advice, the guidance, and the confidence to be a mother, even when I thought that I didn't deserve it. I felt like I was in a modern day Red Tent {which is one of my all-time favorite books}. It will never cease to amaze me the way that women support and lift each other out of the dark places in our lives & bring us back into the light.


We wouldn't be here without the compassion & love that we were given from Jesus and the ladies!





Okay, here are the photos of the amazing playland at Cherry Creek Mall:

Things I Want To Remember

My wonderful friend Andrea wrote a post about the things that she wants to remember about her daughter, Katie. Katie is 13 1/2 months old and is at that stage where she is into everything. This post inspired me to do the same for my little Reese. My daughter Reese is 5 1/2 and was born on Andrea's birthday {Lucky Day: June 7th} Andrea was actually supposed to come to our house for dinner that night, but we always laugh and say that I had her a baby instead! So, in honor of my friend & my daughter, my birthday twins, here is a list of things that Reese is doing right now:

• Until recently, she has never had a favorite-can't-sleep-without-it toy or blanket. Josh's mom gave her a Polar Bear stuffed animal and for some reason, she is really attached to it. She puts her doll clothes on it and it comes everywhere with her (except for school). I have put her (the polar bear, not Reese!) in the wash a few times because frankly, it starts to gross me out when I think about where this bear has gone and what it has touched. I am glad that she has a favorite friend though.

• She is really loves any little toy. By little I mean Polly Pocket sized toys. No boyish toys for this girly-girl. We gave her a Strawberry Shortcake little play set for Christmas and she loves it. I do too. I love the Strawberry Shortcake smell and really wish that they would make it into a perfume already.
  


• She likes to make sure that her toys are "comfy." She likes to make them beds out of little boxes that she puts socks (clean ones!) or wash cloths in little boxes to make them feel comfy. It is really cute and I find these little beds everywhere. Josh suggested that I take pictures of the stuff that she makes, so I have been. I will post some pictures.



• She likes to pretend to be Rachel Ray when she is taking a bath. It is hilarious. She totally gets into it. She says things like, "Okay and on Rachel Ray today, we are going to learn to make really yummy, uhhhhhh, toasts with, ummmm, jelly." Then pours water into little cups in the bathtub. The best is when she leaves for a commercial break, "we'll cook that right after the messages."

• She is enjoying being in Kindergarten, although I know that she sometimes feels like "everyone else knows what to do & sometimes I don't." Oh, Reesey. We all feel like that once in a while...even when you're a grown up!She is just about to start spelling & reading...which sometimes results in some hilarious new words: "pocoporn" (popcorn) and "horsores" (horse).

• Has been asking about babies. like where they come from. She asked me while we were driving, "how is a baby made Momma?" I almost drove off the road, but did tell her that we could talk about it more when Momma wasn't driving (and to give Momma some time to look up age-appropriate baby-making talk for a 5 year-old!) I also commented that "Well, and you know, God puts the baby there, blah, blah, blah..." She responded with, "Yeah, but how does the baby get IN there?"

• She likes to sing. And talk. A LOT. Especially when we are in the car and it is just me, Reese and the open road...or just driving around Denver. She sings "Home On The Range," but instead of "where the deer and the antelope play" it becomes "where the deer and the cantaloupe play." Priceless.
  


• One day while driving, we passed a pickup truck with a camper on top of the bed of the truck. The camper had a ladder on the back. Reese looked at the camper and told me, "Momma. That camper has a pool on top." I said, "Really? How do you know that?" She said, "It has a ladder on the back & that is how you get to it." I had to turn my face out the window to hide my smile. It was one of those moments that I wish I could bottle up and keep forever.

I know the baby days of not much sleep, teething, poopy diapers, drooling, never ever getting anything done are very tiresome for mommas. But they go by so fast and the next thing you know, you have a little person hanging around with you. I look at pictures of myself with Reese when she was a baby and I want to reach through the photo and give myself a hug and tell me to be more gentle with myself. To believe in myself and most of all, to tell myself that I was doing a good job. I did try to live in the moment during those early days and I am glad. They went by so fast and now they are memories. I look forward to each day that I spend with Reese. She has taught me a lot about being myself, learning to let go & let God, playing more & worry less. She has taught me to take myself less seriously & for that, I am forever grateful.